New Rule #2: Don't Come Up With Stupid Ideas

Now, don't get me wrong. To the best of my recollection, I have never come up with a great idea to make money before. In fact, I know I haven't because I am poor. But that aside, my question is this: Is no idea at all better than one really stupid idea?

Take, for example, CNN's headline-to-shirt option. The utter ridiculousness of this idea has bothered me for some time now. For those of you who don't know: when you go to CNN's homepage you will find a list of top stories, all hyperlinked to either video or written text. Just off to the right of the hyperlinked text, however, you may find a little t-shirt logo. If you click on this shirt, you have the option to buy (for $15.00) a shirt with that particular headline on it. Now, if that headline were funny ("Astronaut to World: 'Fuck you, I ain't never comin' back'"), or contained an innuendo ("Man Gets Mauled by Cougar") that would be one thing; you might be able to make some money off the idea and be proud of it at the same time. Yet, when I checked the archive of shirts today, I found things like, "Olympics: Doping Not Tolerated," and "Bikini Barista Stand Closed," which a neither cool, nor funny, nor innuendo-ish. My favorite though was: "Bag of Maggots Used to Treat Infection." Honestly. What is that? Who wants a shirt that has a headline about a bag of maggots? (Now, I know that J will post a comment saying that he would buy a shirt will a "bag o' maggots" headline on it, but that's because he, too, is neither funny nor innuendo-ish.)

So, I have no idea if/how this is making money. What I do know is that it shouldn't be. I mean, at what point do they break even. If they only have to sell one shirt a month, then, hell, run with it. I mean, you might stumble onto one good headline every 30 days or so. But, really, is this even necessary. You're a major news outlet. Doesn't this make you look a little...uh...nuts? (Imagine Lewis Black doing that line with his finger wagging for the full effect.) Why not stick to the news and make your money off of the thousands of advertisements that run across your pages everyday? Why do something this stupid?

That's my second new rule. I don't remember what the first one was, but I know one exists. As I said, I haven't come up with any good money-making schemes recently, but I am certain of one thing: I haven't come up with an idea that stupid. Maggots? Priceless. (Shit! I just thought about how funny it may be to buy that shirt.)